Life and Love.

This week was hell, this week was hell. Did I mention it was hell?! I literally have had no motivation to get dressed so I wore what I slept in everyday this week to school. I'm not sleeping too much either and I constantly have this migraine and foggy feeling. It's like not being there, but physically being present. My depression has always flared up a lot around fall and winter and it really sucks because they are my favorite seasons and I want to do so much, but I can't find the motivation. And I'm not saying "oh my gosh I'm depressed because I feel sad" nor am I being a dramatic teenager. I just feel numb and nothing at all, yet I feel everything at once. I'm starting to get so tired of people saying oh I'm sad so I must be depressed, that's not what depression is at all. For my sixteenth birthday we took a family vacation to Disney World and from what I remember it was fun. However I felt so incredibly numb emotionally and mentally that I...

It has officially hit me, that its my senior year and that these moments count. I mean sure I've had senioritis since preschool, and the whole academic of school is kind of meh but still its crazy how fast this is all going by. I've reached this point where dressing up is no longer my main focus, I find myself using the term "eh, I'm a senior" way too often and its scary. Do you ever just procrastinate, literally? Because I do that with everything and anything lately. (Why am I like this?!) I am constantly feeling incredibly sleepy during class, and I catch myself saying oh I'll do my homework tonight. which never happens. You could say the case of senioritis has hit me really hard. And I'm wanting to graduate, drop out and make everything slow down all at once. Have you ever just stepped back from a situation and observed? I did this the other day during p.e while we were sitting in the commons because the gym was being used. Instead of goofing off with m...

I've been asking myself this question for some time, who am I? and when I try to answer it I usually use a label such as oh I'm a musician, or I'm a dweeb. And I am these things however they don't define me, they more add to who Karizma is as a whole. Sometimes life gets messy, and you feel like you don't have your stuff together which can be the most frustrating feeling in the world. And on this stormy Monday evening, as the rain hits my window and I have Keaton Henson quietly playing in the background I'm pondering this question over and over again. Who am I?     Sometimes people can experience this weird feeling as you look in the mirror of woah this is me, this is my body and this is my life. And sure physically I'm a 5'3" 1/2, African American, Native American, white, 17 year old who has slight acne, shortish brown hair and eyes that look black sometimes. I have an average sized body, I have smallish hands. My cheeks are slightly chunky, a...

Does anyone else fear missing out on something great, so you roadblock yourself? Because boy is that me. I'm literally one of the most indecisive people you will ever meet and it's for the pure sake of I feel if I settle down for something that I will miss something amazing. I'm constantly debating between several choices whether it comes to what I wear, what song I pick to listen to in the car, what food I eat and so much more. I can not listen to a full song because I get this feeling of okay change it before you miss a call song, in my stomach and it's the worst. I literally stood in a ice cream shop in Hawaii for thirty minutes debating between pineapple and mango flavored sorbet. Some may ask, karizma WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. to which I would respond I DON'T KNOW AND IM SORRY. I never know what I want. Ever. And it's something I hate and love about myself. I love everything and everyone yet I don't at the same time. I love and hate fall, and winter. I wa...

As a teenager one of the most stressful things is trying to find yourself, you explore what you like and dislike, you figure out your beliefs on particular topics and you formulate morals.all of these things can be incredibly difficult for some, especially when you have one group of people holding you to certain expectations and others telling you what to be and how to feel. I've been in this foggy mindset for quite sometime and it's very difficult to explain. I'm feeling too much and saying too little because I can't figure out how to explain it entirely. And I've been dismissing these feelings because I think eh they'll pass. You go through the motions; wake up, eat breakfast, shower, attend school which consists of socializing and using so much energy to make it through the day. Then you've got activities which span anywhere from sports, to theatre & church events. And people sometimes catch on to you feeling and looking incredibly drained, and when t...