Consumed by Charisma.

friend of the day time

lover of the night, I live each day with passion in my eyes. As I embark on my next journey these things they reside I will live my life to the fullest until the day I die. And when that time comes, when I'm old and gray I will be thankful for how I spent all of my days. For I loved the trees and how they blew with the wind, I stared with my breath taken away by the beauty I was taking in. I marveled at the sun and the way it shines and how the moon looks as I'm passing by. I learned to love the mountains and all they  held within and what it felt like to fall in love with your friends. I realized that she looked so stunning sitting there with the sun beaming down and glistening in her hair. I realized that his hands were rough when I held them then and this was going to be confusing once again. So I lay in bed thinking about the things that were said over and over again, I picked up my cup of coffee and my pen & I wrote about how you made me feel. And maybe one day I'll forget these things I enjoyed about life and how I called everything an adventure or exquisite expedition, or I'll add it to all to my books & the newest additions. I'll forget how your lips felt partially parted against mine, or how your blue eyes looked in the light. Wanderlust in my lungs, the skies in my eyes I'm a friend of the day time and a lover of the night. I'll get my own apartment and write mini novels all the time, and they will be right there to hand me more coffee and kiss my head as he or she makes their way to bed. It's just a couple bad days babe, not a bad life. I put down my pen and turn off the light.

She should have know what she was getting herself into because it was 2 am and we were both tired and I was under the influence. Let's go back, you see I was born a hopeless romantic and it probably had to do with the fact my mom always let me watch the notebook & Disney movies. At a young age I had these date ideas and hopes instilled inside my little heart, that one day someone would sing "once upon a dream" as I was walking through the trails of Bradley lake park at 12 with my family. But now that I've grown up since that time I've realized I'm more a hopeless romantic now than I ever was. And I don't mean it in the sense of I have these cute desires to go on dates but instantly fall in love with everyone I see. I fall in love with the sweet cashiers eyes that look full of kindness, I fall in love with my friends & their intelligence and wittiness. I fall in love with how people's voices sound as they just wake up or it's late at night, they have this peaceful tone to them that sounds like warm hugs and home. I'm constantly falling in love with aspects of everyone, and it's a dangerous thing.

So I laid there on the couch talking on the phone for hours upon hours about my dreams, things about myself and more and with each phrase I caught myself becoming more engrossed in my hypothetical situation playing out in my head that would never be discussed. You catch yourself constantly falling and picking yourself up, and then falling into the same routine person after person. I breathed in and in the air I could smell my pathetic ideas, cherry coke and the incense burning, and I thought to myself how badly I wanted to just lay on the roof and hold hands while gazing at the stars. We're all too busy worrying about if we die, how we die and when we die, oh but babe what if you just live. I realized I had been spacing out for so long that I wasn't actually paying attention to what she had been saying for the last two minutes but felt like eternity. Not wanting her to feel like I was ignoring her I giggle and say tell me more. She laughs and says darling get some sleep, I can tell you've been thinking too much again. In that moment her voice sounded like home.

I sat there on the bus waiting to go off to some little stores in a place I don't know too well but I absolutely adore and as I sat there listening to Two door cinema club for the millionth time I saw two girls madly in love with each other. The blonde girl we will call Paisley & her girlfriend we will call Noel.

Paisley was tracing little hearts on Noel's hand as they sat side by side talking about random things I couldn't hear. Noel moves paisleys hair out of her eyes and behind her ear & proceeded to kiss her forehead. I smiled at them without noticing then continued to looking out the window at the scenery that was passing by faster and faster it felt with each second. My mind kept racing back to you and that night, how perfectly your hands fit in mind & the way your eyes looked as we explored places you've never been. I stopped thinking about you, looked back over at Paisley and Noel and started to cry. I cried because I knew I was going to look so long for a love like that, I cried because I knew how much it was going to hurt to look at you each time we hung out because I would catch myself constantly falling for your dimples and the way your eyes looked when you laughed. I breathed in and then out, changed the song & proceeded to get off the bus. As I left I made sure to tell the gals to never stop being cute together because they give me and others hope. The bus driver was kind and his voice was smooth as I exited and he said be safe young one, it's slippery outside and freezing, I gave him a tip and wished him safe travels. Have you ever realized how comforting the freezing cold wind felt upon your face as you have power walking music blasting through your head phones and your outfit makes you feel hot. I kept thinking why am I so dressed up to go buy mom jeans from value village & when would I stop getting high to escape my feelings for everyone. The blast of heat & tasteful Christmas music playing in the store made me feel better as I removed my headphones and gloves, grabbed a basket and continued down the aisles filled with jeans that either were for girls who didn't have huge butts or girls who had curves & all that was ever on my mind was you.

I got home, and got high & when that high wore off I got even more high. I couldn't remember how your hands felt, or how his lips tasted or our parked car conversations for I was too busy being high in the sky and fighting off space ships. My mom noticed something was wrong, filled the tub with hot water and scented bubbles. She handed me a bottle of martinellis and said babe you need a break and you need one now. I knew she wasn't wrong, so I made my way to the bathroom. It was so pretty and the lights were low, and it was lit by Christmas lights. I slipped into the tub as my mind slipped off into the distance continuing to numb my thoughts from you. I could hear "my feels" playlist in the background, I looked at the floor then at the mirror and then back at the floor. I had no idea who I had become or why I loved so easily. I didn't know why I was spending my money on dried leaves so I could feel nothing for a temporary amount of time. I didn't know why I was dying my hair colors I hated, and sleeping until 2:30 in the afternoon. I couldn't understand why I never did my homework and I had this constant desire to chuck my phone off a bridge and just drive and never contact anyone for a year. I came down from cloud nine, looked at my palms and realized that my hands had become raisins. I dried myself off, slipped on sweats and a baggy T-shirt. I looked in the mirror with mascara running down my face, my hair this fuzzy wet mess and thought it's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay and everything will pan out eventually. I walked my way into the kitchen where two precious faces sat eager to play toys with me. I kiss my sister on the forehead and say I'll be just a second, I give my mom a hug & tell her I love her and then I pick up the thing that has now become my best friend and I go back to fighting off space ships and admiring planets. I had become this thing I didn't want to be, but couldn't stop but boy did it feel good to not think, but I knew at the end of the evening as I laid down my high would wear off and I would have to face reality. We're all just fighting constant battles whether they be physically, emotionally or mentally.

we laid on the roof of the car and marveled at the galaxies up above our heads. It was 19°, our hands were numb our noses were runny and we didn't care about anything else on the entire planet. I giggled about a trillion gazillion times and said look at that too many times to count. This is what it felt like to live in the moment for we didn't know where we were going or how to get there we just knew we wanted to see the stars. Everyone threw on sweaters, jackets, multiple pairs of pants grabbed some blankets and just drove and here we arrived, where the streams peacefully met the waterfall creating this calming noise. I felt nothing but overwhelming joy and the desire to go on exquisite expeditions even more often than I already do. The car felt more like home and the road was my serenity. I'm alive and well and breathing and gosh darn it I love every second of it.